The Duchess

To much of my delight, people have come to me and told me that they enjoy reading these ‘introductions’ very much. Some have even gone to the extend to say that they look forward to introductions more than the interviews themselves. As much a personal triumph as it feels to me, the truth is that an endeavor which started off as a ‘byproduct’ of these interviews, has become a burden for me. I write intros based on my personal experiences with the interviewees; but what to do if I don’t share an eventful past with them? What to “unearth” which readers may find exotic? I am no philosopher… nor a poet.. I cant invent entrancing glamour! The crippling burden of expectations to keep the readers regaled have left me vexed; a task becoming even harder if you are not Beparwah, or Dionysus.. talking about whom I can fill HOURS with.

I do not have as many experiences with Nadia as I would’ve liked to have and therefore, I have fruitlessly been spending quite some time, endeavoring to find most creative of ways to address the predicament of writing an enthralling intro for her.

Until last night, when it suddenly dawned upon me that sometimes, less is more and you don’t have to rely on history if you have instinctual observation. Besides, my time with Nadia may not not span across centuries, as we got acquainted only a few months ago; but I have been observing her ‘modus operandi’ for a while and it already feels like a entire lifetime since I know her; that’s the best part!

As with 90% of the women on IRC, I got off to a wrong footing with Nadia as well but she quickly invoked respect in my heart; mainly because of her maturity, and impartiality. Nadia’s personal life is perennially lurked between seasons of forlorn and fortune; which I wouldn’t want to divulge in; but I respect her immensely for her valiance; for having the courage to ALWAYS brandishing a smile, even in wake of despair.

Nadia bring her RL leadership and vision on IRC as well. The idea of ensemble ‘crew’, designed as a feminist movement to safeguard women on IRC, was Nadia’s very own brain-child. This cult, operating from the dark contours of IRC and recognizable as ‘Duchesses‘, is supposedly bound by sacred sacramentum of self-preservation of women. The mystery surrounding the existence of Duchesses, which has often perplexed many of us, is finally unveiled in this interview.

On a personal account, I have found Nadia to be a great friend who makes herself available whenever she is needed. She brings a lot of experience and maturity on the table. Being an elder, she is an adequate mixture of dominion and tolerance and I trust her because of her impartiality. I do, however, feel at times that she tries to impose her opinion but that’s vigilance, not condescension. Nevertheless, I cannot be patronized by her rare authoritativeness, so I don’t mind it per se; I rather find it to be part of her charm, lol.

Oh boy! I AM being a try-hard, am i not? Lol! I had convinced myself that I can afford to be lackluster and drab in this intro; because with Nadia, even if the lack of inventiveness of this intro disappoints you, the interview itself never will 😉 Personally, I think its one of the most unique interviews I have conducted thus far and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Although most of the enjoyable parts have been censored upon Nadia’s request but you’ll get the picture nevertheless.

So without any further ado, my dear bibliophiles, I invite you to feast your eyes upon an account of this leading soprano; from the mystic cult of “Duchesses”!

TESTIMONIALS

• Cupid: She is polite, at the same time she is rude. And I saw her new face last days, She will know what I mean 😛
• Exquisite: Sophisticated lady
• Meow_: Bari behan jesi hain.. daant bhe leti hain … pyar bhe krti hain. mai khud bhe naraz ho jati hun … phir normal bhe ho jatay… hmari aik behan ziller dosti krwa deti hai hmari
• Kitab: Nadia^ bohat Strong lady hain,yaaron ki yaar hain..meri jitni dafa conversation hoi hain un say kabhi negative nahi paya un ko..Nadia ji aisay hi hansti muskurati Rahain hamesha
• Beparwah: I have always found her so friendly yet with an attitude that everyone feels neither offended nor gets the liberty of being out of limit, wish her all the best in her life!
• SoniZz: I dont know her that well, but from what I’ve noticed, i that she’s a very nice and a mature lady whom I could totally be friends with. I’ve never seen her be rude to anyone.
• Smurfette: She is sweet

INTERVIEW

First and foremost; please bring the entire IRC out of a societal nescience; and humor us with but ONE question: What is all this “Duchess” malarkey?!

Duchesses .. a group of females .. who has a place to talk and have each other’s back 🙂 we don’t pass rumors or gossips.. Just talk about our own issues with solutions. Its a ‘female only’ group. and We are very selective!

Is it an IRC Feminist Mafia Movement or something?

*smile* No… but we do stick together 🙂

Ah, so you guys are like the Amazons? Aimed at killing all the men and save one for reproduction? 😀

haha.. You’re crazy! I see too many predators here .. and saw a need to have a place for females only.. Now, we do have a predator list.

A “predator list”? Whoa!

I got the list, if anyone wants to check if his name is in there, pm me! HAH

So who ARE these esteemed Douchesses?….Sorry, “Duchesses”! 😀

LongNails, Meow, Kitab, Rapt, Anaarkali, Aliza, Nimra_Tigress , Sonizz, …. Diamond.. chox.. Maheen.. Pukhtana.. Now we have kicked few out of conduct unbecoming a “duchess”

Ah, the usual suspects! 😀

Who have you kicked out from Duchesses?

Impala(Lifeislife) , Dilruba. Sasha_Khan (also) is no longer part of duchesses.

I am sure they must be GUTTED! kek!

Last Question on your exalted royalty league: Who is the Godmother of this crime family of yours?

I think its me; heheh. And no we are not criminals.. We just hangout together 🙂

You’ve got RATS in your ranks, bro! Ghar ka bhaydi, Lanka dhai!

Just a caution ;)

Ahan cool! Now lets start with the usuals. Tell me something about yourself. Ideally, something which is not common knowledge.

Hmm I was an athlete. Not only in Pakistan but here in US too… played Table Tennis jissay yahaan (Ping pong) boltay hein.. on intermurals level (college).. And my home is the center of my universe; kids, pets and job 🙂

What inspired your nick?

Its my Name 🙂 *eham* … I don’t believe in nicks … have tried only two over the years and doesn’t seems to fit me 🙂 always seems someone else is talking

What made you joined IRC? And why do you use it?

Well I am ancient on IRC (EfNet) / Dalnet wasn’t even born at that time. But I joined because I was stuck with my program and someone said .. try this .. there are programmers from all over the western world .. see if someone can help you. I got help .. finished the project .. but then someone told me Pakistan channel and was hooked line and sinker after that.

If you had to change your nick, what would your new name be, and why would you choose that nick?

Sanity / because from time to time we all can use some of it 🙂

Do you prefer being anonymous on IRC? If Yes, Why?

No, I don’t think I like that (being anonymous) … (its) not me .. could be that i am still stuck in the past where you never lied or hid yourself. Back in the day, you couldn’t hide yourself even if you wanted too … so mujhay khabh aadat hi nah pari to hide myself.

Have you ever met anyone from IRC? If yes, who?

I am still friends with the irc users from way back when.. Our kids play together now… abhi, I haven’t met any one, but have talked to couple (of people) on skype.. Meow, chox, to name the few

Is there any channel on IRC you want completely destroyed? If yes, why?

#Pakistan / the SOP’s there are douche-bags

Are you reading this Giggles? hah!

Who on IRC do you like/dislike the most? One nick for each.

Like: Meow_ / Dislike: Mr President

She wanted to mention more than one nick for like; but I made her choose only one; dont start getting worked up all you little “duchesses” 😀

Who is the person whom you wish you had met in RL, not through IRC?

hmm. Rebellious

Who is the person you think about when you are not on IRC?

yikes! None! when i am out of irc I don’t think about irc! time nahi hota ji. I have kids, 2 cats and a dog 🙂

What’s your worst memory from IRC?

Stupid fight with Mr_president and his chamchi layla. about how she picks on users like she can dish it out but can’t take it

What is the hottest (Most Catchy) nick you find on IRC? What is the least attractive nick?

Hottest: Dauntless! Fearless, right? / least attractive is Mr_President (like how can a person so full of himself)

Khaali paahnday boutay kharakday nay! 😀

What was the weirdest conversation you have overheard on IRC?

the weirdest conversation was threesome-sexting between 3 persons on main … who were doing it on #Pakistan main / if you can go on Pakistan the ‘show’ starts around 11 pm US time… or even later

Name withheld upon respondent’s request after a long argument but I know them obviously! God I’ve started to love this job!! 😀

After 10 years, when/if you are gone from IRC, what you will be most nostalgic about?

The pretend scenes, the roles people play .. like open flirting , open phaday , tease of PakiMan by Aly!

The only way one can tease Pakiman is by sexting with him while
pretending to be a woman; no wonder Aly is good at it! 😀

What is the most interesting activity imaginable on IRC?

Have a good chat .. the one you can laugh at … I don’t care you are pulling someones leg .. as long as it is in Had-e-adab .. (I mean) if you not here to ‘chat’ .. what the hell you are here for? But most interesting is the act of certain ladies who pretend to be nanhi kaki’s (which they are not) … I am painting a target on my back (by mentioning a nick but) MissAnnonymous (is an example)… the hell I care 🙂

What was the most uncomfortable thing you’ve had to do out of politeness on IRC?

Pretend not to read when people are vulgar with each other .. I just leave the channel when that happens .. purani examples hein but no way I am saying those! I take the fifth (amendment)!

Invoking the Fifth Amendment in the United States Constitution, which in layman’s terms means that no person “shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself“

In simpler words, Nadia is refusing to answer the question as it may jeopardize her. But I, as usual, can be EXTREMELY persuasive! :D

The interview is being conducted in Pakistan; there is no 5th amendment in our constitution! The court compels you to answer the question, Duchess!

I will take my friends name.. because they can take it.. not all those “ullo kay phattay” and I know they know who I am talking about.. No need to become part of this 🙂 These interviews are suppose to be fun .. let keep them light 🙂

These Interviews are what “I” say they are! Tell me who did you find getting vulgar with each other???

L**a & some guy; they have changed nicks tou I dont know who they are.. Lately L********e and R********8 ki bakwass! There! I said it! ya tumnay print keeya tu mera tumhara issue ho jana. you promised to hold nick

Trust me! *Grin*

If you go back in past, which one thing you would like to change in your IRC history?

I will never join

Name one of your enemies on IRC which you would rather wish to be friends with?

No i like my enemies to stay where they are .. they have earned that spot! (People like) Sasha_Khan, Lyla, Mr_President etc

Name your IRC crush, if any?

Yaar I am out of that range, you have to understand that point

Is this apathy or just a surrender? 😉

Describe me in one word?

Annoying

Describe Dionysus in one word?

I have talked with him 3 lines; hi, how are you, and whats up? So no clue so far!

Describe Beparwah in one word?

Careless!

Ok, thanks Captain Obvious! :S

Did you ever dress up like a school girl and got your ass spanked?

NO NO BUT HELL NO

Tell one of your darkest fantasies? [REDO]

I wanna visit Pakistan and in each major cities want to have an irc gathering … wanna meet the people I talked with ..friends only 🙂

I said Dark Fantasy! Apki social aspirations nahi poocheen.

Trust me it is dark enough 🙂 .. You never knew who everyone turns out to be in real life. We did that once 23 years ago .. my IRC chat was cut in half after that. The looks in their eyes.. Most of them leechar niklay .

At what age did you had your first crush? What did you like in him/her?

I was the crush .. never had a crush 🙂 wanna see me when I was the crush? you will understand 🙂 / So No! baqool meri behan kay appa apnay makhay khudh urai.

Most embarrassing moments in RL?

Nano caught my lie .. never lied to her before 🙂 went to a friend bd party .. she never liked that friend told her I was at hockey practice

What do you notice in a guy/girl at first sight?

Eyes… They don’t pretend you can’t hide emotions from your eyes!

Bonus: Dedicate some words for any one of our mutual friends

Meow , chox , Long^Nails , thanks for accepting me as who I am 🙂

Bonus: Say a few words for Dauntless, Good & Bad!

Understanding (but) over sensitive.. Fun to talk with! A nice sparing partner 🙂

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Ok! Rating time! 😀

From a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 being the most abhorrent fiend and 10 being the divine reincarnation, rate the following nicks based on your opinion of them

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NICKS	RATING	COMMENTS
Exquisite	5	Dont know her much
Ishkaa	6	A Duchess 🙂
Meow_	8	Meri apni British BroadCasting Company  (BBC)  Love you hon 🙂  at one point in my life  I was called CNN 🙂
LongNails	8	Sincere Friend — jaan cheez
Azam	6.5	Akhbar-e-jahan (in a good way)
Nimra_Tigress	6	Totally different lady out of irc 🙂
Chox	6	Loving Lady
Vehshee	7	BIASED
Iam2Gud	9	BIASED
Beperwah	6	Very promising  friend
Ziller	7	Unexpected  caring thoughtfull guy  (wait….  yes I am saying this for THE Ziller)
FunnyBone	5	Class clown 🙂  the one sits on the last bench and mouth teachers every word
Giggles	6	Always a pleasure to talk with
Maheen	5	Quite Lady with a steel backbone 🙂
la’pple	5	Loving Gujjar –  she grows on you 🙂  like an eclectic  taste 🙂
Aly	6.5	Always a  good friend — hidden Ladies Man
nt-spki	6	Good teacher ….. silent one
CBI	7	Ladies beware — a very smooth talker
I^Hate^Love	6.5	Ladies stay the heck away from him (poision in disguise)  good heart …… bad manners
Hax0r	6	Likes to stay in the shadows.  A good friend
MangoLover	6.5	Safe Harbour  … a gem of a guy
speedy_gonzalas	6	One of the few people who you meet by chance  and are always glad when you ran into them again
Rebellious	8	One of the best human being I have met on this Fake world of IRC
Shrek	7.5	Hub-ul-watan  on a wakhray scale .
Rapt	6	My Quite Duchess
Nazia	5	Funny in her own way ( just haven’t had many talks with her I hope she gets well soon)
Dionysus	2	Hmm   hard to describe if stories are true  he deserves a 2 🙂 (nothing personal ) this is all I know of him….  Stories
Ehmath	4	Nice person to talk to, depending on the time of the day and week of the day .
err	4	Probably a nice person  zaida baat nahi howi  ..jitni howi acchi howi
Kitab	6	You need to flip a coin to see how much more  friendly she will be today 🙂  (She is always friendly)
Unpr3DicTabl3	6.5	Most stable friend so far 🙂
Impala	1	Kabhi acchi thi
Laadla’Da’Sad’Flute	7	An Absolute Gem
Bazzigar	6.5	The only person on irc I call Parawa (bhai)
Steve^Austin	4	Also depends on the day you talk to him ,  I can’t say always treated me respectfully  but  lately he has been nice and respecful so he is in this list.
Freak	5	A wanna be player 🙂  pakra jata hay her dafa 🙂
BOMB^FUNK^MC	4	SPY

Next and FINAL Interview: Meow_ & Ziller!

STAY TUNED!